TIPS: Awasi Anak Daripada Menjadi Mangsa Perlakuan Seksual!- Nur Akmar Mohd Arif

Sumber: imej google

Jenayah seksual yang semakin berleluasa menimbulkan kebimbangan dalam kalangan ibu bapa dan juga pendidik. Isu pidofilia yang menular sejak kebelakangan ini juga menarik perhatian semua pihak termasuk ibu bapa dan pendidik untuk sentiasa peka dan lebih berwaspada terhadap keselamatan anak pada setiap masa walau di mana mereka berada.

Anak-anak perlu diberi pendedahan mengenai tips keselamatan diri bagi tujuan perlindungan daripada jenayah seksual oleh individu durjana. Dalam hal ini, ibu bapa perlulah memainkan peranan yang penting dalam memastikan anak-anak mereka sentiasa berada dalam keadaan yang selamat dalam persekitaran yang meyakinkan.

Berikut penulis kongsikan beberapa tips yang perlu diambil berat bagi mencegah anak-anak daripada menjadi mangsa perlakuan seksual.

1.     Pentingnya komunikasi & hapuskan kerahsiaan

Komunikasi antara ibu bapa dan anak adalah penting dalam memastikan tiada kerahsiaan yang boleh merumitkan keadaan. Galakkan anak-anak untuk berkomunikasi dan ibu bapa perlu lebih peka pada perasaan mereka. Ibu bapa perlu memberikan perhatian yang serius terhadap percakapan mereka. Beri perhatian terhadap tanda-tanda yang mungkin membawa kepada penderaan seksual. Sikap ambil berat ibu bapa terhadap anak akan menghapuskan jurang dan kerahsiaan di antara ibu bapa dengan anak-anak.

2.     Mengecam tingkahlaku yang  boleh  menjurus kepada penderaan seksual

    Ibu bapa perlulah mengajar dan jelaskan kepada setiap anak tentang penderaan seksual supaya mereka boleh mengecam tingkah laku yang mendorong kepada penderaan seksual seperti meraba, mengusap dan mencium. Ajar mereka tentang 5 bahagian tubuh badan yang sangat istimewa dan tidak boleh disentuh iaitu dada, pinggul, peha, bibir dan alat sulit kerana tubuh badan kita adalah hak kita yang perlu dilindungi daripada disentuh orang lain. Setiap anak juga perlu diajar untuk mengenali setiap bahagian tubuh mereka dan tidak menggunakan “perkataan perantaraan” bagi menyatakan bahagian-bahagian sulit pada tubuh mereka.

3.     Berani mengatakan “Tidak”

Ibu bapa perlu mengajar kepada anak bagaimana mengatakan “Tidak” kepada apa   sahaja permintaan yang mencurigakan, memberanikan diri meminta bantuan dan mengawal diri daripada disentuh oleh orang lain. Kita perlu memberi sokongan terhadap hak anak untuk mengatakan “tidak” terhadap sesuatu tindakan. Contohnya mengatakan tidak pada pemberian orang yang tidak dikenali dan menolak secara baik ajakan orang yang mencurigakan bagi mengelak perkara yang tidak diingini daripada berlaku.

4.     Batasan aktiviti berlainan jantina

Seiring dengan peningkatan usia anak, ibu bapa perlu menetapkan batasan dari sudut pergaulan anak bagi mengelak berlakunya perlakuan seksual dalam kalangan anak. Gangguan seksual yang paling lazim dalam sesebuah keluarga ialah di antara anak-anak kecil dengan anak-anak kecil dan anak- anak remaja berlainan jantina. Jadi, anak-anak berlainan jantina perlu dielakkan daripada mandi atau tidur bersama-sama tanpa pengawasan kerana ia memungkinkan terjadinya hubungan seksual. 

5.     Tingkahlaku melindungi diri yang jelas

Sebagai role model, ibu bapa perlu menyedari dan memahami batasan tingkahlaku mereka sendiri. (role model). Ibu bapa perlu sentiasa peka dan  menunjukkan  tingkah laku melindungi diri yang boleh meyakinkan anak-anak. Contohnya dari segi pemakaian yang bersesuaian di rumah dan batasan pergaulan dengan orang sekeliling. Ingatkan setiap anak bahawa orang yang “ baik” boleh berniat jahat terhadap  mereka sendiri dan galakkan anak untuk memberitahu mengenai orang yang  mereka tidak selesa dampingi.

6.     Awasi pengaruh media massa

Ibu bapa perlu memantau aktiviti anak di rumah. Jadi, awasilah bahan yang ditonton oleh anak-anak dan luangkan masa untuk menonton bersama-sama mereka. Membiarkan anak-anak menonton video tanpa pengawasan ibu bapa atau orang yang lebih dewasa boleh memungkinkan mereka menyalahgunakan kemudahan tersebut untuk menonton bahan-bahan lucah. Buku bacaan anak di rumah juga perlu dipantau bagi mengelak mereka dipengaruhi oleh sumber bacaan yang tidak bermanfaat dan tidak bermoral.

7.     Perhubungan telefon

Kesibukan dengan kerjaya tidak sepatutnya menjadi penghalang komunikasi ibu bapa dan anak. Batasan masa dan kewangan keluarga kadangkala menjurus kepada tindakan meninggalkan anak-anak bersendirian di rumah tanpa pengawasan orang yang lebih dewasa. Jika keadaan ini tidak dapat dielakkan, ibubapa bolehlah memastikan keselamatan anak-anak di rumah melalui telefon bagi memastikan keselamatan anak terjamin sepanjang ketiadaan mereka.

Kesimpulannya, peranan dan sokongan ibu bapa hari ini amat penting bagi memastikan anak-anak sentiasa bertingkah laku selamat dalam persekitaran yang sihat dan meyakinkan.

How to improve your English!- Akmal Hafiiz Abd Rani

Credit to google image

There are so many different ways to practice English, sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. When we think about improving a language, we usually come up with four types of skills we need, which are speaking, listening, reading and writing skills. Let's look at methods to improve each skill.

Firstly, having a conversation in English is the best way to improve the speaking skill.If you have opportunities to talk with English native speakers, it would be great, but even talking with English learning friends also works very well. Nowadays you can easily find a person to talk with through the internet as well.

Secondly, to improve your reading and writing skills, you should read books a lot. It increases your reading speed as well as amount of vocabulary. Moreover, keeping a diary in English can be effective too.

Lastly, to improve the listening skill, you should listen to correct English as much as you can. According to my experiences, news programs in English speaking countries or TV dramas and films with English subtitles are really good training materials. You can also use radio and free video websites.

Among all of the above methods, which one is the best way to improve our English? The answer depends on which skill you'd like to improve. However, I think watching news programs is the best way to learn English. Because if you watch English news, you can train listening and reading at the same time since there are usually some subtitles or written summaries on the screen while a newscaster is reading the news. Moreover, it increases not only your vocabulary but also your knowledge about the country and the world. It would be a great help when you talk with foreign people or write about current affairs in English.

Prepared by,

Akmal Hafiiz Abd Rani,

Lecturer,

Language Department,

Faculty Of Education And Human Development,

Kolej UNITI

Lima Hikmah Pelukan Ibu Bapa Terhadap Si Manja Yang Perlu Anda Ketahui!- Nur Akmar Mohd Arif

Sumber: Imej google

Memeluk anak merupakan salah satu ekspresi rasa sayang yang sangat perlu ditunjukkan oleh ibu bapa kepada anak. Galakan, pujian dan penghargaan yang diterima seiring dengan pelukan akan meningkatkan rasa kasih sayang dan  keyakinan diri si anak. Berikut merupakan lima hikmah daripada kuasa pelukan ibu bapa terhadap si manja yang perlu diketahui!

1. Mengawal emosi anak meragam

Pelukan penting untuk membina kapasiti otak dan memberi ketenangan kepada si manja. Apabila si manja sedang sedih atau mengamuk,peluklah dengan penuh kasih sayang untuk meredakan kesedihan atau kemarahannya. Ucapan yang dilafazkan juga perlulah seiring dengan gaya bahasa sambil menenangkannya dengan pelukan. Contohnya ungkapan ‘’Kenapa sayang mama ni menangis? Anak mama kan kuat macam mama, macam Ultraman..tak boleh nangis..Sini sayang, mama peluk”. Hikmahnya, pelukan ibubapa dapat meningkatkan keseimbangan dan kepercayaan anak terhadap ibu selain ketenangan dan menghilangkan kebosanan kepada si manja.


2. Meningkatkan kecerdasan anak

Pelukan dapat merangsang perkembangan sel otak anak. Otak seorang kanak-kanak membesar melalui tindak balas yang diterima dari persekitaran. Ia menghubungkan sendi wayarnya dengan organ pemikiran dan emosi berdasarkan pengalamannya. Kajian menunjukkan bahawa anak yang sering dipeluk akan menjadikannya lebih kreatif dan cerdas mindanya. Contohnya ungkapan seperti, “Cantiknya anak mama lukis, gambar mama ya...pandainya anak mama”. Hikmahnya, ucapan positif dan diiringi dengan pelukan dapat merangsang si anak untuk lebih berimaginasi dalam sokongan persekitaran yang selamat dan meyakinkan.


3. Meningkatkan harga diri anak 

Sentuhan dan dakapan merupakan ekspresi rasa sayang yang sangat perlu   ditunjukkan agar anak rasa kehadirannya dihargai. Ini akan memberi kesan positif    kepada kestabilan emosi, pembentukan peribadi yang baik serta meningkatkan kepercayaan diri. Hikmahnya, Jalinan emosi yang positif ini secara tidak langsung mendidik anak-anak untuk menyayangi, menghargai dan sentiasa berbuat baik dengan orang sekeliling seperti guru, rakan sebaya dan jiran tetangga.


4-   Membentuk ikatan emosi yang positif

Pelukan daripada ibu bapa mampu mengurangkan tekanan pada si anak. Kajian otak mengatakan bahawa kanak-kanak dan ibu bapanya secara biologi terikat untuk membentuk satu ikatan emosi. Contohnya, bayi yang diletakkan pada dada ibunya dapat merasakan degupan jantung si ibu dan merasakan belaian hangat kasih ibunya hingga wujud jalinan ikatan emosional serta kelekatan yang kuat di antara keduanya. Hikmahnya,  pelukan merangsang perkembangan emosi positif anak.


5. Keselamatan dan perlindungan

Dalam keadaan berbahaya, pelukan sangat diperlukan oleh seorang anak supaya anak tersebut merasakan ketenangan dan menghilangkan ketakutan. Menurut Harlow & Zimmerman, kanak-kanak memerlukan sentuhan dan perdampingan orang dewasa untuk dia terus membesar dalam persekitaran yang sihat, selamat dan meyakinkan.


Anak yang sedang membesar juga perlu diberi petunjuk mengenai tingkahlaku yang selamat untuk ditiru dan tempat yang selamat untuk dituju. Perbuatan yang “tidak dibenarkan” perlulah seiring dengan kuasa pelukan ibu bapa yang dapat meningkatkan keyakinan si anak terhadap ibu bapanya.

Contohnya seperti ungkapan “Sayang…Tempat itu berbahaya.. Kamu tidak boleh pergi ke sana” dengan nada suara si ibu yang lemah lembut sambil mengusap belakang anak pada masa yang sama. Penggunaan bahasa yang lemah lembut seiring dengan pelukan mesra kepada anak akan membuatkan si anak memahami penerangan dan tujuan kita yang sangat mengambil berat serta mahu melindunginya.

Kesimpulannya, ibu bapa perlulah merasakan ada hikmah besar di sebalik kuasa pelukan terhadap anak. Ini memberi ketenangan jiwa kepada anak dalam aktiviti seharian yang dilaluinya. Hikmah sentuhan dan pelukan itu sendiri boleh meningkatkan rasa kepercayaan dan keseimbangan anak terhadap ibu bapa dan seterusnya merangsang perkembangan menyeluruh si anak.

SEKADAR RENUNGAN

Dikisahkan bahwa Abu Hurairah berjalan keluar bersama Rasulullah SAW Selama di perjalanan, Rasululullah SAW tidak berbicara dengan Abu Hurairah, begitu pun sebaliknya. Ketika sampai di pasar Bani Qainuqa, Rasulullah duduk di pekarangan rumah Fatimah lalu berkata, “Apakah terdapat anak-anak di sana?” Tidak lama kemudian, datanglah seorang anak kecil menghampiri Rasulullah. Rasulpun memeluk dan menciumnya sambil berdoa, “Ya Allah …! sayangilah dia dan sayangi pula orang yang menyayanginya.” (H.R. Bukhari).

Pada suatu hari, datang seorang kepala suku mengunjungi nabi dan melihat beliau sedang mencium cucunya. Dia (kepala suku) mengatakan kepada Nabi SAW., “Saya mempunyai sepuluh orang anak, seorang di antara mereka tidak pernah saya cium.” Kemudian Rasulullah Saw. menjawab, “Kalau Allah tidak memberikanmu perasaan kasih sayang, apa yang dapat diperbuat-Nya untuk kamu? Barangsiapa yang tidak mempunyai kasih sayang pada orang lain, dia tidak akan mendapatkan kasih sayang dari Allah SWT.” (H.R. Bukhari)

Sumber: Imej google

Disediakan oleh,

Nur Akmar Binti Mohd Arif
Pensyarah,
Jabatan Pendidikan,
Fakulti Pendidikan Dan Pembangunan Manusia (FPPM),
Kolej UNITI Port Dickson

Empat Tindakan Pantas Atasi Si Manja Mengamuk- Hidayah Tokiman

Mengapa si manja mengamuk?

Credit to Google image

Mulanya hanya meragam akhirnya membawa kepada tingkah laku mengamuk. Pasti setiap ibu bapa mengalaminya bukan?

Tingkah laku mengamuk lazimnya terjadi apabila kanak-kanak tidak dapat apa yang dihajati maka akan mencetuskan perasaan marah, sedih atau kecewa. Mengamuk juga boleh disebabkan kerana lapar, haus atau berada dalam persekitaran yang tidak selesa. Situasi ini jika tidak ditenangkan oleh ibu bapa akan menyebabkan si manja terus mengamuk. Apabila si manja kembali bertenang, ibu bapa perlu berperanan untuk menjelaskan mengapa dirinya tidak boleh bersikap sebegitu.

Berikut merupakan empat tindakan segera yang boleh membantu ibu bapa bagi mengatasi si manja yang mengamuk.

1.     Kawalan emosi ibu bapa

Ketika anak mula buat perangai, emosi ibu bapa dahululah sebenarnya perlu dikawal. Kadang kala ibu bapa pula yang kalah dengan emosinya sendiri sehingga hilang kawalan lalu naik tangan. Tanpa ibu bapa sedari keadaan ini akan menyumbang kepada tingkah laku yang lebih buruk lagi. Oleh itu, langkah pertama dalam mengendalikan anak mengamuk, ibu bapa perlu lebih tenang. Keadaan ini sememangnya akan menguji kesabaran ibu bapa.

2.     Minta si manja bertenang

Minta penjelasan dari si manja kenapa bertingkah laku sedemikian. Tanya secara tenang, jelas dan tegas. Terdapat tiga kaedah bagi si manja bertenang;

i.    Jika anak masih menangis atau percakapannya tidak boleh difahami, berikan mereka masa untuk bertenang; tinggalkan dia, selepas 3 hingga 5 minit cuba bercakap dengannya.

ii.    Alihkan perhatian si manja kepada perkara lain. Kajian psikologi menyatakan adalah mudah untuk mengalih perhatian kanak-kanak misalnya dengan merujuk keadaan persekitaran misalnya, ‘tengok adik, ada burung terbang la kat atas pokok’. Sekiranya alihan perhatian diberikan secara perjanjian contohnya, ‘ok, kalau adik dengar cakap mama, nanti mama belikan aiskrim’. Tepatilah perjanjian itu. Jangan sesekali berjanji perkara yang tidak dapat ditunaikan. Tidak mustahil tingkah laku mengamuk akan berulang.

iii.  Jika keadaan anak sukar dikawal atau mengamuk di tempat umum, dukung anak dan bawa ke tempat yang jauh dari pandangan orang dan peluklah dia. Jika si manja masih menjerit-jerit mengamuk, biarkan dirinya menjerit sepuas hati dan ibu bapa hanya akan melepaskan pelukkan apabila dia tenang. Tindakan ini memberi masej bahawa anda yang mengawal keadaan dan bukan dirinya. Ada ibu bapa tewas pada peringkat ini. Oleh demikian, ibu bapa harus melakukannya secara konsisten dan penuh kesabaran.

3.     Ingatkan tentang peraturan

Wujudkan peraturan. Ini akan mendidik anak tentang disiplin dan kawalan diri. Maklumkan dan bincang bersama anak misalnya ‘nanti kat kedai adik boleh pilih satu jenis mainan je tau’. Jika si manja mengamuk; setelah kembali tenang, ingatkan kembali peraturan yang telah dibincangkan ‘kalau adik nak ikut mama pergi kedai, adik boleh pilih satu jenis mainan je’ dan terangkan juga sebab anda tidak boleh mengikut kemahuannya.

4.     Peluk dan luahkan “sayang”

Peluk dan katakan bahawa anda sayangkannya. Jelaskan kepada anak bahawa tingkah laku yang baik akan semua orang suka dan sayang juga sebaliknya.

Demikian itu, menangani anak mengamuk memerlukan kesabaran dan disiplin yang tinggi. Ibu bapa perlu melatih diri untuk mengawal keadaan dan bukannya anak memanipulasi keadaan. Selamat berjaya!

Disediakan oleh:

Hidayah Binti Tokiman,

Pensyarah Jabatan Pendidikan,

Fakulti Pendidikan Dan Pembangunan Manusia,

Kolej UNITI Port Dickson. 

Empat Aktiviti Cetus Rasa Ingin Tahu Kanak-kanak- Hidayah Binti Tokiman

Di usia anak tiga hingga empat tahun, ibu bapa sering keletihan melayani soalan-soalan lantaran rasa ingin tahu si kecil yang meluap-luap. Sebagai ibu bapa pasti timbul pelbagai rasa; buntu untuk menjawab, rasa mahu marah kerana kerap didesak soalan oleh si anak atau tetap senyum apabila soalan-soalan yang di luar jangkauan fikiran orang tua. Walau apa pun jua rasa yang timbul, ibu bapa harus akui inilah antara proses perkembangan otak anak yang baik. Apabila anak bertanya, mereka sebenarnya mengambil peranan aktif dalam pembelajaran sendiri. 

Bertanya merupakan satu bentuk komunikasi. Amat penting bagi ibu bapa untuk menjawab setiap soalan dari anak dengan sebaik-baiknya, kerana setiap soalan adalah peluang untuknya berfikir selain jawapan dari ibu bapa dapat menyelesaikan masalahnya.

Soalan boleh tercetus sendiri daripada anak misalnya melihat sesuatu objek atau individu yang menarik minatnya atau soalan juga boleh dicipta oleh ibu bapa. Justeru, ada empat aktiviti yang boleh ibu bapa lakukan bersama anak bagi merangsang pertanyaan si anak dan menunjukkan rasa ingin tahu iaitu;

11) Komunikasi yang berkesan iaitu dengan memperbanyakkan soalan. Aktiviti ini memerlukan ibu bapa untuk membangkitkan persoalan agar anak akan mula berfikir dan ingin tahu lebih lagi dengan bertanyakan pelbagai lagi bentuk soalan.

22) Berikan anak satu objek atau barangan yang mampu menarik minatnya untuk diterokai kerana kanak-kanak mempunyai minat semulajadi untuk belajar tentang perkara-perkara baru.

33) Membaca buku bersama. Melalui aktiviti membaca ibu bapa boleh berkongsi banyak idea dan peluang untuk bertanyakan soalan berdasarkan isi kandungan buku yang dibaca. Pastikan buku yang dibaca sesuai dengan tahap pemahaman anak-anak.

44)Lakukan aktiviti yang menggalakkan kanak-kanak berfikir dan aktiviti yang merangsang banyak soalan ‘bagaimana, apa, kenapa dan lain-lain lagi’. Antara contoh aktiviti yang memberikan kanak-kanak peluang untuk berfikir dan meneroka lalu mencetuskan soalan adalah bermain pasir, bermain air, menghasilkan kraf juga bermain dengan persekitaran.

Demikian, sebaiknya ibu bapa perlu sentiasa ada masa dan meluangkan masa bersama anak. Apa sahaja persoalan yang ditanya oleh anak, ibu bapa haruslah cuba untuk memberikan jawapan yang terbaik kerana ia penting bagi perkembangan otak si kecil. Selamat bertanya dan selamat menjawab wahai ibu bapa.

Disediakan oleh, 

Hidayah Binti Tokiman,

Pensyarah Jabatan Pendidikan,

Fakulti Pendidikan Dan Pembangunan Manusia,

Kolej UNITI Port Dickson. 

English Is a Crazy Language- Akmal Hafiiz Abd Rani

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Here's an excerpt from the opening chapter in my Crazy English: the Ultimate Joy Ride Through Our Language (Pocket Books, 1989). If you see this floating around the Net unattributed, please suggest to the webmaster of that site that the material be properly cited.

English is a Crazy Language (Part I)

July 1, 1996

English is the most widely spoken language in the history of our planet, used in some way by at least one out of every seven human beings around the globe. Half of the world's books are written in English, and the majority of international telephone calls are made in English. English is the language of over sixty percent of the world's radio programs. More than seventy percent of international mail is written and addressed in English, and eighty percent of all computer text is stored in English. English has acquired the largest vocabulary of all the world's languages, perhaps as many as two million words, and has generated one of the noblest bodies of literature in the annals of the human race.

Nonetheless, it is now time to face the fact that English is a crazy language -- the most lunatic and loopy and wifty and wiggy of all languages. In the crazy English language, the blackbird hen is brown, blackboards can be green or blue, and blackberries are green and then red before they are ripe. Even if blackberries were really black and blueberries really blue, what are strawberries, cranberries, elderberries, huckleberries, raspberries, and gooseberries supposed to look like?

To add to this insanity there is no butter in buttermilk, no egg in eggplant, no grape in grapefruit, no bread in shortbread, neither worms nor wood in wormwood, neither mush nor room in mushroom, neither pine nor apple in pineapple, neither peas nor nuts in peanuts, and no ham in a hamburger. (In fact, if somebody invented a sandwich consisting of a ham patty in a bun, we would have a hard time finding a name for it.)

To make matters worse, English muffins weren't invented in England, french fries in France, or Danish pastries in Denmark. And we discover even more culinary madness in the relevations that sweetmeat is made from fruit, while sweetbread, which isn't sweet, is made from meat.

In this unreliable English tongue, greyhounds aren't always grey (or gray); panda bears and koala bears aren't bears (they're marsupials); a woodchuck is a groundhog, which is not a hog; a horned toad is a lizard; glowworms are fireflies, but fireflies are not flies (they're beetles); ladybugs and lightning bugs are also beetles (and to propogate, a significant proportion of ladybugs must be male); a guinea pig is neither a pig nor from Guinea (it's a South American rodent); and a titmouse is neither mammal nor mammaried.

Language is like the air we breathe. It's invisible, inescapable, indispensable, and we take it for granted. But, when we take the time to step back and listen to the sounds that escape from the holes in people's faces and to ex- plore the paradoxes and vagaries of English, we find that hot dogs can be cold, darkrooms can be lit, homework can be done in school, nightmares can take place in broad daylight while morning sickness and daydreaming can take place at night, tomboys are girls and midwives can be men, hours -- especially happy hours and rush hours -- often last longer than sixty minutes, quick- sand works very slowly, boxing rings are square, silverware and glasses can be made of plastic and tablecloths of paper, most telephones are dialed by being punched (or pushed?), and most bathrooms don't have any baths in them. In fact, a dog can go to the bathroom under a tree -- no bath, no room; it's still going to the bathroom. And doesn't it seem a little bizarre that we go to the bathroom in order to go to the bathroom?

Why is it that a woman can man a station but as man can't woman one, that a man can father a movement but a woman can't mother one, and that a king rules a kingdom but a queen doesn't rule a queendom? How did all those Renaissance men reproduce when there don't seem to have been any Renaissance women?

A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, haberdashers don't haberdash, hammers don't ham, and humdingers don't humding.

If the plural of tooth is teeth , shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth ? One goose, two geese -- so one moose, two meese? One index, two indices -- one Kleenex, two Kleenices? If people ring a bell today and rang a bell yesterday, why don't we say that they flang a ball? If they wrote a letter, perhaps they also bote their tongue. If the teacher taught, why isn't it also true that the preacher praught? Why is it that the sun shone yesterday while I shined my shoes, that I treaded water and then trod on the beach, and that I flew out to see a World Series game in which my favorite player flied out?

If we conceive a conception and receive at a reception, why don't we grieve a greption and believe a beleption? If a horsehair mat is made from the hair of horses and a camel's hair brush from the hair of camels, from what is a mohair coat made? If adults commit adultery, do infants commit infantry? If olive oil is made from olives, what do they make baby oil from? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? (And I'm beginning to worry about those authoritarians.)

And if pro and con are opposites, is congress the opposite of progress?

English is a Crazy Language (Part II)

August 17, 1996

Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway? In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? In what other language do privates eat in the general mess and generals eat in the private mess? In what other language do people ship by truck and send cargo by ship? In what other language can your nose run and your feet smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same and a bad licking and a good licking be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can sharp speech and blunt speech be the same and quite a lot and quite a few the same, while overlook and oversee are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the next? How can the expressions "What's going on?" and "What's coming off?" mean exactly the same thing?!?

If button and unbutton and tie and untie are opposites, why are loosen and unloosen and ravel and unravel he same? If bad is the opposite of good, hard the opposite of soft, and up the opposite of down, why are badly and goodly, hardly and softy, and upright and downright not opposing pairs? If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful nonactions, why are shameful and shameless behavior the same and pricey objects less expensive than priceless ones.

If appropriate and inappropriate remarks and passable and impassable mountain trails are opposites, why are flammable and inflammable materials, heritable and inheritable property, and passive and impassive people the same and valuable objects less treasured than invaluable ones? If uplift is the same as lift up, why are upset and set up opposite in meaning? Why are pertinent and impertinent, canny and uncanny, and famous and infamous neither opposites nor the same? How can raise and raze and reckless and wreckless be opposites when each pair contains the same sound?

Why is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible; that when I clip a coupon from a newspaper I separate it, but when I clip a coupon to a newspaper, I fasten it; and that when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?

English is a crazy language.

How can expressions like "I'm mad about my flat," "No football coaches allowed," "I'll come by in the morning and knock you up," and "Keep your pecker up" convey such different messages in two countries that purport to speak the same English?

How can it be easier to assent than to dissent but harder to ascend than to descend? Why it is that a man with hair on his head has more hair than a man with hairs on his head; that if you decide to be bad forever, you choose to be bad for good; and that if you choose to wear only your left shoe, then your left one is right and your right one is left? Right?

English is a Crazy Language Part III

September 30, 1996

Has it ever struck you that we English users are constantly standing meaning on its head? Let's look at a number of familiar English words and phrases that turn out to mean the opposite or something very different from what we think they mean:

I could care less. I couldn't care less is the clearer, more accurate version. Why do so many people delete the negative from this statement? Because they are afraid that the n't . . . less combination will make a double negative, which is a no-no.

I really miss not seeing you. Whenever people say this to me, I feel like responding, "All right, I'll leave!" Here speakers throw in a gratuitous negative, not, even though I really miss seeing you is what they want to say.

The movie kept me literally glued to my seat. The chances of our buttocks being literally epoxied to a seat are about as small as the chances of our literally rolling in the aisles while watching a funny movie or literally drowning in tears while watching a sad one. We actually mean The movie kept me figuratively glued to my seat -- but who needs figuratively, anyway?

A non-stop flight. Never get on one of these. You'll never get down.

A near miss. A near miss is, in reality a collision. A close call is actually a near hit.

My idea fell between the cracks. If something fell between the cracks, didn't it land smack on the planks or the concrete? Shouldn't that be my idea fell into the cracks [or between the boards]?

I'll follow you to the ends of the earth. Let the word go out to the four corners of the earth that ever since Columbus we have known that the earth doesn't have any ends.

A hot water heater. Who heats hot water?

A hot cup of coffee. Here again the English language gets us in hot water. Who cares if the cup is hot? Surely we mean a cup of hot coffee.

Doughnut holes. Aren't those little treats really doughnut balls ? The holes are what's left in the original doughnut. (And if a candy cane is shaped like a cane, why isn't a doughnut shaped like a nut?)

I want to have my cake and eat it too. Shouldn't this timeworn clich‚ be I want to eat my cake and have it too? Isn't the logical sequence that one hopes to eat the cake and then still possess it?

A one-night stand. So who's standing? Similarly, to sleep with someone.

The first century B.C. These hundred years occurred much longer ago than people imagined. What we call the first century B.C. was, in fact the last century B.C.

Daylight saving time. Not a single second of daylight is saved by this ploy.

The announcement was made by a nameless official. Just about everyone has a name, even officials. Surely what is meant is The announcement was made by an unnamed official.

Preplan, preboard, preheat, and prerecord. Aren't people who do this simply planning, boarding, heating, and recording? Who needs the pre-tentious prefix?

Put on your shoes and socks. This is an exceedingly difficult maneuver. Most of us put on our socks first, then our shoes.

A hit-and-run play. If you know your baseball, you know that the sequence constitutes a run-and-hit play.

The bus goes back and forth between the terminal and the airport. Again we find mass confusion about the order of events. You have to go forth before you can go back.

I got caught in one of the biggest traffic bottlenecks of the year. The bigger the bottleneck, the more freely the contents of the bottle flow through it. To be true to the metaphor, we should say, I got caught in one of the smallest traffic bottlenecks of the year.

Underwater and Underground. Things that we claim are underwater and underground are obviously surrounded by, not under the water and ground.

I lucked out. To luck out sounds as if you're out of luck. Don't you mean I lucked in?

Because we speakers and writers of English seem to have our heads screwed on backwards, we constantly misperceive our bodies, often saying just the opposite of what we mean:

Watch your head. I keep seeing this sign on low doorways, but I haven't figured out how to follow the instructions. Trying to watch your head is like trying to bite your teeth.

They're head over heels in love. That's nice, but all of us do almost everything head over heels . If we are trying to create an image of people doing cartwheels and somersaults, why don't we say, They're heels over head in love?

Put your best foot forward. Now let's see. . . . We have a good foot and a better foot -- but we don't have a third -- and best -- foot. It's our better foot we want to put forward. This grammar atrocity is akin to May the best team win. Usually there are only two teams in the contest.

Keep a stiff upper lip. When we are disappointed or afraid, which lip do we try to control? The lower lip, of course, is the one we are trying to keep from quivering.

I'm speaking tongue in cheek. So how can anyone understand you?

They do things behind my back. You want they should do things in front of your back?

They did it ass backwards. What's wrong with that? We do everything ass backwards.

English Is a Crazy Language (Part IV)

October 18, 1996

English is weird.

In the rigid expressions that wear tonal grooves in the record of our language, beck can appear only with call, cranny with nook, hue with cry, main with might, fettle only with fine, aback with taken, caboodle with kit, and spic and span only with each other. Why must all shrifts be short, all lucre filthy, all bystanders innocent, and all bedfellows strange? I'm convinced that some shrifts are lengthy and that some lucre is squeaky clean, and I've certainly met guilty bystanders and perfectly normal bedfellows.

Why is it that only swoops are fell? Sure, the verbivorous William Shakespeare invented the expression "one fell swoop," but why can't strokes, swings, acts, and the like also be fell? Why are we allowed to vent our spleens but never our kidneys or livers? Why must it be only our minds that are boggled and never our eyes or our hearts? Why can't eyes and jars be ajar, as well as doors? Why must aspersions always be cast and never hurled or lobbed?

Doesn't it seem just a little wifty that we can make amends but never just one amend; that no matter how carefully we comb through the annals of history, we can never discover just one annal; that we can never pull a shenanigan, be in a doldrum, eat an egg Benedict, or get a jitter, a willy, a delirium tremen, or a heebie-jeebie; and that, sifting through the wreckage of a disaster, we can never find just one smithereen?

Indeed, this whole business of plurals that don't have matching singulars reminds me to ask this burning question, one that has puzzled scholars for decades: If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of or sell off all but one of them, what do you call that doohickey with which you're left?

What do you make of the fact that we can talk about certain things and ideas only when they are absent? Once they appear, our blessed English doesn't allow us to describe them. Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, sheveled, gruntled, chalant, plussed, ruly, gainly, maculate, pecunious, or peccable? Have you ever met a sung hero or experienced requited love? I know people who are no spring chickens, but where, pray tell, are the people who are spring chickens? Where are the people who actually would hurt a fly? All the time I meet people who are great shakes, who can cut the mustard, who can fight City Hall, who are my cup of tea, and whom I would touch with a ten-foot pole, but I can't talk about them in English -- and that is a laughing matter.

If the truth be told, all languages are a little crazy. As Walt Whitman might proclaim, they contradict themselves. That's because language is invented, not discovered, by boys and girls and men and women, not computers. As such, language reflects the creative and fearful asymmetry of the human race, which, of course, isn't really a race at all. That's why six, seven, eight, and nine change to sixty, seventy, eighty, and ninety, but two, three, four, and five do not become twoty, threety, fourty, and fivety. That's why first degree murder is more serious than third degree murder but a third degree burn is more serious than a first degree burn. That's why we can turn lights off and on but not out and in. That's why we wear a pair of pants but, except on ery cold days, not a pair of shirts. That's why we can open up the floor, climb the walls, raise the roof, pick up the house, and bring down the house.

In his essay "The Awful German Language," Mark Twain spoofs the confusion engendered by German gender by translating literally from a conversation in a German Sunday school book: "Gretchen. Wilhelm, where is the turnip? Wilhelm. She has gone to the kitchen. Gretchen. Where is the accomplished and beautiful English maiden? Wilhelm. It has gone to the opera." Twain continues: "A tree is male, its buds are female, its leaves are neuter; horses are sexless, dogs are male, cats are female -- tomcats included."

Still, you have to marvel at the unique lunacy of the English language, in which your house can simultaneously burn up and burn down, in which you fill in a form by filling out a form, in which you add up a column of figures by adding them down, in which your alarm clock goes off by going on, in which you are inoculated for measles by being inoculated against measles, and in which you first chop a tree down -- and then you chop it up.

Site erected May 1, 1996

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Entire contents © Richard Lederer 1996; All rights reserved

Prepared by,

Akmal Hafiiz Abd Rani,

Lecturer,

Language Department,

Faculty Of Education And Human Development,
Kolej UNITI